April 05, 2002 | 2:22 p.m.
low prices make me laugh.

hit at once with everything. still not used to this. feeling guilty and strange about an escalator mishap. when she was nothing but a dreamy distraction in men's work pants.

i am losing meals not missed. violently sick for much more than a minute. and if there was ever a right time to say it. now is when i need you. here with me, noticing what hurts and why.

and true: im the one who never says enough. but also true: youre still keeping secrets.

if this was a movie. id be standing outside with the weather, weak back against your closed doors, noting the tragic lapse of light falling from your bedroom to the sidewalk. and even though this is not a movie, i am still always on the outside.